Marriage, Guns, and The Apocalypse

I was getting ready to get married. I don’t know whose house I was at, but I suppose it was mine. My mom was there, my grandpa was there, and one of my uncles was there. I was supposed to be marrying some guy that day. I don’t know who it was, and I don’t even remember his name, but he was my age. My mom was in the bathroom with me, helping me with my dress, and I sat on the closed lid of the toilet and told her in a moment of fast realization, “I don’t like (so-and-so).” I said that I don’t love him and I don’t want to marry him. So, even though I had my dress on and I was almost ready, and even a little excited about the whole “marriage” thing for some reason, I decided against it and realized I was doing it for the wrong reasons and didn’t want to be with him. So, instead, I decided to go see a movie. This movie was some weird black and white movie, and although it was a recent film, It featured Ryan Buell as a child, playing the role of a psychotic/disturbed child in some kind of classic sci-fi/horror film. It wasn’t very far into the movie before the doors of the small theatre opened, and in walked a young couple (about in their late twenties/early thirties). The male walked to the front of the aisles while the woman stayed back and started securing or locking the door. Everyone was immediately aware that something very bad was now happening. The woman addressed the crowd and started talking about the bad state of the economy. It was now noticeable that they both had guns. I thought to myself that if I had just gotten married that day instead of choosing to go to the movies, I wouldn’t be in this situation and I could have spared whoever I was with of this situation as well. I started to feel guilty. As the woman was talking I felt a sense of rage, yet at the same time, I felt pushed past my brink to where I didn’t care and had nothing to lose. I knew I was probably going to die and we were all closed in. No one was panicking and everyone was quiet. The woman had a glass of some kind of alcoholic drink and was obviously slightly drunk. As she talked I stood there, still in my wedding dress, and stared right into her eyes intently. I didn’t blink. I stared deeper and deeper to the point where it probably was creepy or somewhat uncomfortable to her in a way. She made a weird face. I was mad, but felt kind of blank at the same time. I wanted her to have a sense of humanity. I said out loud in a calm, relaxed voice, “You know, it’s kind of ironic…. The reflection [of my image] in your eyes looks like hearts.”

I don’t know what happened between then and when I was outside, but somehow the situation had settled. (Perhaps because of something I said or did?) I was outside with them and I think I was at their house. They had a pick-up truck (I think it was blue or black) and they had a little caramel-colored dog, like a small boxer. I was making “nice” with them and we were talking kind of friendly. I was still cautious, but I didn’t make it obvious. The guy was showing me his “glock” and talking about it. I asked if he had ever shot someone or killed someone before or anything, and he proceeded to tell me that he had, in fact, shot/killed someone before. This was news to his girlfriend I think, and I believe that she was mad that he was telling me this stuff and may have even gotten slightly jealous. They went in the garage and started arguing, then it escalated and I heard him yelling about her being a slut and other vulgarities. She stormed out and started packing her things. I stood there with her as she was packing, and she was telling me something about high school. I asked her when she graduated and she said 2004. I said something like, “Oh, you’re two years younger than me”, or something to that effect. And that’s all I can remember.

Here is my interpretation:

First of all, the dream happened the night before my college graduation ceremony. Some of my general anxieties could have been reflected in this way. However, I also see deeper and more spiritual meanings buried here and I also see familiar archetypes.

For a few days prior to my dream, I had been doubting and questioning my beliefs again, trying to figure out why I fear death and how I can be at peace in life. My dwelling on the concept of death amplified my fear of it and my fear grew greater. I had also been reading the Tao Te Ching (Eastern Philosophy). This dream was my subconscious’ way of sorting things out--not only my fear of death, but my fear of commitment (my choices being irreversible) and my difficulty with decision-making. I sometimes find that I struggle with my true feelings about love and relationships as well. On one hand, I don’t think that we have just one soul mate, but that we have many possible soul mates in our physical lifetime. I think that we should not need to depend on one other, nor should we put all of our hypothetical eggs in one basket. And yet, on the other hand, I crave finding one intense and passionate love that is ethereal and soul-shaking. With a deep, mutual understanding of one another and a bond that exceeds the physical. A true spiritual connection. Not only does this dream serve as a way to try to sort out these inner struggles, but it also shows what kind of person I am now. It shows my compassion and there are many apparent symbols of wisdom and themes of sexuality.

Marriage

In a dream interpretation book that I have, it says that a marriage or wedding in a dream often indicates the uniting of two particular parts of the dreamer which need to come together in order to create a better whole. For instance, the intellect and feelings--or perhaps the practical and intuitive sides--may need to be united. Often a marriage or wedding can be precognitive in that one may subconsciously be aware of a relationship between two people, but it has not yet registered on the conscious level. To be dreaming of wearing a wedding dress is to be trying to sort out one’s feelings and hopes about relationships and weddings. Because the human being is always looking for someone to complement him or herself, to dream of a wedding can give some indication of the type of person we are looking for as a partner. Spiritually there is a process of integration which needs to come about. Firstly the masculine and feminine sides of our personality need to unite, then the physical and spiritual sides need to harmonize. This is usually known as a mystic union.

Danger

The point where I realize I have nothing to lose could be my reconciliation with the concept of my mortality…letting go and accepting my fate. When we find ourselves in dangerous circumstances in dreams, we are often reflecting the anxieties and dilemmas of everyday life. We may be conscious that our activities may be harmful to us if we carry on in the same way. Dreams can often point to a danger in symbolic form, such as conflict, fire or flood. We may need to have pitfalls represented in such a way in order to recognize them on a conscious level. Dreaming of oneself in a dangerous or precarious position, can also indicate a spiritual insecurity. (I think the latter interpretation addresses my struggles with my beliefs.)

Guns

In dreams, a gun has a masculine and sexual connotation. If a woman is firing a gun she is aware of the masculine, aggressive side of her personality. If she is being shot at, she perhaps feels threatened by overt signs of aggression or sexuality. It depends on the circumstances of the dream how the use of a gun is interpreted. It may also symbolize protecting the things we feel are important to us. The main symbolism, though, is masculinity.

Theater
Dreaming of a theater, particularly when we are not involved in the action (in other words, not part of a play or show) indicates that we are able to stand back and take an objective viewpoint. Because it is a social venue, it has relevance in people’s relationships with one another. It is this aspect which is being highlighted. Spiritually, the idea of a play in a dream highlights the idea of the microcosm within the macrocosm--the small within a larger framework. (Hmm… think of the line “all the world’s a stage”… it’s a stage within a stage or a show within a larger show). The symbolism here could also reflect my career direction, being that one of my main interests is film and theatre.

Anima and Animus

The appearance of a man and a woman taking control of a situation (one in which I have no control or am at their mercy), to me, symbolizes the anima/animus. These are Jungian archetypes. According to the dream book, when we dream of a figure of the opposite sex we are attempting to give meaning and validity to the attributes and qualities of that particular sex. Thus a man may be trying to access his more sensitive side, while a woman may be attempting to become more logical. We are attempting to balance our psychological being through an ability to be objective about ourselves. Only through understanding that we hold within us elements of the opposite sex, can we become whole and properly integrated. The polarity of the way we express our own gender is an equally valid part of our personality.

Carl Jung mapped the functions of these archetypes as they surface in dreams, and I found that the “villain” male and the “competitor” female are negative and associate with the function of thinking. The villain is completely selfishly involved, not caring who he tramples on his own search. He is often the aspect of masculinity women first meet in everyday relationships, so can remain in dream images as a threatening figure if she has not come to terms with his selfishness. The competitor is the woman who competes with all and sundry--both men and women--in an effort to prove that she is able to control her own life.

Eyes (and Hearts)

Any dream to do with the eyes is to do with observation and discrimination. It is indicative of enlightenment and wisdom, protection and stability. It has a connection with the power of light and in ancient times of the sun gods. Through its connection with Egyptian symbolism, the eye is also a talisman. So, dreaming of seeing hearts reflected in one’s eyes has MUCH symbolism. The heart is the center of the being and represents “feeling” wisdom rather than intellectual wisdom. It is also representative of compassion and understanding. These are the feelings that I experienced during that point of my dream.

Alcohol

When alcohol appears in a dream we may need or require a largely pleasurable experience or influence. We have available means of changing perception. We can afford to let go and go “with the flow” of what is happening to us. Alcohol as “spirit” is the conjunction of opposites, and a means of changing consciousness.
…

This was my second memorable dream involving myself wearing a wedding dress or preparing to be married. The first one I had about 5 years ago. In that dream, I was supposed to marry my aunt’s ex-husband who was a Mormon and he was late because he was off getting drunk, and when I drove off to find him, the apocalypse was happening and bombs were exploding and falling from the sky with black clouds as I sped away from it in a convertible in my wedding dress. I’ll interpret some of the symbols from that another time, but here’s what I wrote about that dream…

I was about to get married to my aunt’s ex-husband, Roger. I had my wedding dress and everything, but I didn’t want to do it. It was like it was being set up. Some guy called (I guess a friend of Roger’s?) and my mom or grandpa answered. The guy asked, “So did you have Nikki sign the prenuptials?” (No one calls me Nikki.) I was looking for a pencil, and meanwhile, My grandpa brought a frozen pizza that was sitting there covered. So I uncovered it and I was like “Oh no, that pizza doesn’t have enough toppings on it.” It only had 8 pepperonis on it and they were mostly on this one slice, so I offered to go to the store and get some mushrooms and peppers and onions and sausage, but I didn’t feel like going to the store and slicing up the toppings during my wedding. (oh, my mom said something about it being for a salad, and I got aggravated and said no it was for the pizza) So the whole damn thing was about to go down and the music started playing. People that I didn’t know were walking down the aisle, and I was sitting to the side of the aisle watching everyone pass by. I was whining something about my hair to my mom sitting next to me. Roger wasn’t coming. For some reason we decided to get in the car ( guess to go find him) and we were headed right for a big, black, ominous tornado but we drove right under it unharmed! Then ahead of us to the left, big egg-like “bombs” were falling from the sky, causing big explosions, so we detoured away from it and headed back. I hoped that he didn’t drive into that. Supposedly Roger had said on the phone that he was in traffic and that he was a minute away when he called, but he was taking much longer, so we figured he must have gone into the men’s room to get drunk. Mind you, he was a Mormon, so he didn’t drink and that was very uncharacteristic. I was planning how I was going to say “no” to him. A part of me wanted to get married, but I was thinking… he hardly knows me. We have nothing in common.

Precog. Dream

Unsure of exact date.
Dreamed of (name excluded) walking with someone and walking right past me, ignoring me purposely even though he recognized me. Feelings of rejection.

Dream was fulfilled in late November of 2009 after someone told a lie that he believed. He wanted no further correspondence with me.

Kinda weird

Last week I had a dream that a drunk pregnant woman was careening down a neighborhood street in a dark (blue or black) pickup truck and crashed into a house, then got out and went into the house next door.

I didn't think much of it, but on the news this morning, there was a report of a drunk woman in St. Pete who was driving drunk into oncoming traffic with her 5 month old child in the car and crashed into a nissan and a blue pickup truck, then crashed into the house of the man who owned the pickup truck. They showed a picture of the pickup truck and the house and it looked oddly familiar.

My dream wasn't exactly right, but still pretty close. I should be paying more attention to my dreams...

Parthenogenesis - immaculate conception

Parthenogenesis - immaculate conception

(unsure of actual date of dream)

Walking through grocery store pregnant by immaculate conception. Felt happy about the life inside me... whole. Second dream of this nature.

Precognitive Dream - Little Girl & A Pond

I've had many precognitive dreams. Some have been scarily accurate premonitions, and others have had precognitive elements. Some of them are too personal to even share on a blog. This one that I'm going to share is one that had precognitive aspects and strong emotions.

This is a weird, possibly precognitive dream that I had almost a year ago before I moved into a new place. I actually hadn’t been on the premises yet and hadn’t met the landlord or my neighbors prior to having this dream.

In the dream, the landlord was a woman. Once arriving at the house, she told us that there was a ghost named “Sarah” who lived there, and sometimes you can hear her moving around upstairs. There was a pond in my bedroom (with lily pads) and the house was 2 stories (in reality, there‘s no second floor).

My mother was there, and so was my grandfather and another man (who was apparently a medium). I’m pretty sure the land lady was still there, but her presence was irrelevant. I saw a little girl, maybe between the ages of 6 and 8. She was very cute and smiley. I asked her to “come here”. I told her I wanted to ask her a favor.

“Please don’t scare me”, I said. “Go to bed at night and play upstairs during the day.”

I was holding her little hand in both of mine as I was saying this. She ran away and no one saw her except one other person (the medium). My grandpa said he saw something as she ran off (he said the word “transported”).

A week or so later, I was moving into the new house. Ron, my next door neighbor, and his wife seemed very familiar to me. He’s a nice man, probably about 70 years old. For the first week or two, he spent some time doing work on the house for the land lord, and he came by on my birthday when I had some family over. My grandpa and my mom were there. We were talking in the kitchen and Ron asked whose birthday it was. He commented that his birthday was also in October, and that his daughter’s birthday would have been in October, too. She would have been in her 30’s now, but she died when she was 8. She drowned on a raft in a lake, and her older brother survived. He tried to help her, but couldn’t, and years later, he killed himself because of the guilt.

It didn’t hit me at first, but I thought about the dream with the ghost of the little girl and the pond with lily pads in my room and wondered if her name was Sarah. My window of opportunity to ask her name passed, and I never felt I could bring it up again to ask him. But I have a strong feeling that it was.

The dream had a lot of emotion in it and it stuck with me for a long time. I still think of it often, and when I hear creaking coming from the roof in my bedroom, I just figure it’s squirrels or raccoons up there. I’ve never felt any negative energies in the house.

Segments of dreams...

*Unsure of exact date*

I woke up in a somewhat familiar house that was not my own, but was supposed to be in my dream.  I was smoking a cig and hiding on or behind a twin bed.  I stole a scooter from a neighbor, I think.  I was driving through the complex on bottom floor.  There was a kid across the way who had blond/curly hair and was a rising star (starting out on Americal Idol?).  I knew him before any fame and he was a good kid... kind of child-like.  I was in his room and saw a lot of kids toys (mostly girls') and a big plastic container of red play dough on the shelf. 

Segment of another dream:
I was driving through a big parking lot and it was turning into night.  I was at some kind of govt. center or space station or U.F.O. spot.  There was a little black girl there, whom I think I knew from a past life.

Rachel's Inspiration

*Unsure of exact date*

I was in a room somewhat like a library, apparently on a college campus, and there was a hospital bed with someone in it (male).  My friend Rachel was in another hospital bed next to the guy's.  He said he was "disabled" (He was actually depressed).  He had short red messy hair (like a young Danny Elfman).  He asked her what she was going to school for (he supposed it would be something typical).  When she told him she was going for her doctorate in psychology, he had some sort of inspired epiphany.  All of a sudden he was standing and said he wanted to (go do something, basically).  He realized what he wanted to do -- Unclear whether it was a "miracle" or if he was pretending to be disabled so he didn't have to deal with society and was using it as an excuse for himself.  Rachel was awestricken.  She was amazed and inspired (thinking "oh my God).  "Lets' go", she said.  She felt like she could lead him or teach him. 

She sent me an email, which was kind of like twitter, but as I read it, I heard a clear narration of her voice talking as I read the words, which were kind of blurry.  She said she was happier than she'd ever been (can't remember clearly anymore what she said--especially the last line, which was clearer than anything else.  I actually heard her voice as I was waking up, but I didn't write it down soon enough.)  She was saying that they were together and what she was doing.  She said she still talks to Phil (almost?) every day (and that they were best friends... something like that).  All I can remember of the last line is, "I was............"